I Was Nervous About Starting Therapy Until I Approached It Like Going On A Date

For a number of reasons, such as lack of access, shame among family members—whatever the case, Latinx trail behind when it comes to receiving mental health therapy. In 2020, around 24.4 percent of white adults received some form of mental health treatment compared to 15.3 percent of Black adults and 12.6 percent of Latinx adults.

We have some catching up to do. But if your parents didn’t encourage you to go to therapy and your friends haven’t gone to therapy either, it may be difficult to know where to start. Healthy Vibras spoke with licensed marriage and family therapist and certified couples therapist April Mayorga on ways to approach therapy more like… dating. 

Before you begin your search, it’s best to write down your list of non-negotiables

When my friend started dating after her breakup, she said she would never ever date someone without a job again. When I finally decided to see a therapist, the only thing l was certain about was that I wanted my therapist to be Latina.

I knew that I wanted to be able to speak Spanglish when the moment presented itself, and that I wanted to feel understood when I discussed the plight of being the firstborn daughter who was the proxy parent to her younger sibling. 

“If culture is a priority, ask the therapist about the ways in which they incorporate cultural responsiveness in their therapeutic work,” Mayorga adds.

Knowing what your must-haves are for a therapist is helpful when you’re going through the screening process. For example, if a therapist isn’t bilingual or familiar with your culture it’ll be all that easier to apply the process of elimination and move on to the next potential suitor. 

Know what you’re looking for

Is this a long-term arrangement you’re looking for or are you seeking a short-term fix? 

Mayorga explains, “To start, write down the challenges or concerns you would like to support within counseling. Next, write down three characteristics that you value or would look forward to experiencing in your treatment (e.g., must be Latinx, trauma-informed, warm and personable, interactive approach, professional, etc.). 

It’s okay to start slow before committing 

Many people like to test the waters with a quick casual meet and greet, or even a FaceTime call, before planning a longer date. This helps ease the awkwardness and ensure a full date is even worth your time and energy. The same can be done for a therapist. You don’t have to commit to a full session before briefly meeting them. In fact, almost all therapists offer a free 15-minute consultation. This is intended for the two of you to meet over the phone and discuss your non-negotiables and goals. If you realize during the consultation that this therapist isn’t for you, you can move on to the next. 

Know that you likely won’t find the one after the first date

As unusual as it is to find your prince charming on the first date, Mayora recommends kissing a few therapist toads in order to land your príncipe azul. “Shopping around helps empower individuals to take the lead in the therapeutic process and be an active participant in treatment,” Mayorga says. 

Finding someone who is the right fit takes time and patience. It’s a process that can’t be rushed because the wrong therapist can leave you feeling helpless. But once you find the right therapist you’ll instantly know you made the right choice. 

Chemistry and vibras matter

A good goal to have—in dating and in therapy—is to end up with someone who makes you feel safe and at peace. 

The Mexican-American therapist shares, “A therapeutic relationship, similar to dating, is one that is explored and tried before committing to a deeper level. If the therapeutic process and relationship feels unsupported, it is perfectly normal to wish to find a better match.”

You might come across therapists who are perfect on paper; they have the credentials, the experience but for some miss-matched reason, they just can’t meet your emotional needs (much like that ex you’ve refused to talk about). Ensuring you match with a therapist who makes you feel comfortable is crucial. Ideally, you’ll find someone who makes it easy for you to open up. 

You get what you give

Remember, like with any relationship effort has to come from both sides. The more you pour in, the more you will likely receive. 

“The therapeutic space should allow clients to explore alternative perspectives and challenging emotional experiences with the support of a professional,” says Mayorga. “ “Clients must also equally contribute to receive maximum benefits.”

Therapy can be scary especially if you’re opening up about issues you’ve never shared with anyone else—but the reward is always worth it. Plus this is a way to care for yourself and no one can take that away.