Perreando Sola: Living Life On My Own Terms In My Fifties

Party of one. That’s an accurate description of me for several years now. No, it’s not sad or lonely. It’s actually liberating. At least it is for me.

Let me back up and tell you how I got here. When I was 25, I was married to someone I dated for two years. He was my first serious boyfriend and I now know that at 25 I didn’t know love from infatuation. But Mami insisted that I either leave him or marry him. I’m not sure why those were my only two options but I didn’t want to break up so I told him we needed to get married. I gave in to the pressure to build a life with him and almost immediately regretted my decision.

We divorced within five years, and looking back, the divorce was a gift. He was an okay boyfriend but he was not the husband I needed him to be for me. Thankfully, we had no children and nothing that really tied us together. The split was pretty clean and it was an opportunity for me to start over.

About five years later, I got married again. This time I was 36. I had been dating my second husband for about four years when we decided to tie the knot. We were already living together (something that not everyone approved of) when he surprised me with a marriage proposal. This time I felt more confident in my choice to say yes. We had made the decision to move in together partly for financial reasons but by then we had already built a strong, committed relationship. I dated him longer. I was older and wiser. I knew what I wanted from a husband. This time would be different.

Unfortunately, my second marriage had the same results as my first. 

Not that my two ex-husbands were similar, but if I’m going to be honest with myself, I don’t think I enjoyed being married. I felt stuck, suffocated, and trapped. I needed to get out again. Even though my second husband and I talked about having children and were trying to conceive, I hadn’t gotten pregnant by the time I decided to end the second marriage. It meant I could walk away without anything binding me to a life I no longer wanted. This was another clean break for me.

That was 2009. I’ve been living the single, childfree life ever since. I’m 55 years old now with no partner, no children, no pets, no mortgage and no debt. Soltera y sin compromiso.

Some people are shocked and even uncomfortable with my current status. ¿No piensas enamorarte otra vez? ¿Te vas a quedar sola para siempre? ¿Qué vas hacer cuando estés vieja? I have decided to ignore these questions because a) It’s no one’s business b) I don’t have the answers and c) yo no le debo explicaciones a nadie.

I’m too busy living my best life in the present moment to worry about what happens when I’m old. I’m living for right now. I don’t want to be attached to anyone because I feel obligated or pressured (again). You know that refrán that mami always used to say? “Mejor sola que mal acompañada”. That. I don’t need a partner to make me whole. I don’t feel the need to have someone else in my life to make me happy.

When I was in my 20s, 30s, and even my early 40s, I felt pressured to find the right partner. Over time and after the lessons I learned from previous relationships, I got comfortable being on my own, planning my own trips, cooking my own food, and doing things that I enjoyed without having to compromise what made me happy. 

Over time, something clicked that made me realize I didn’t need to chase a relationship with anyone but me. It wasn’t easy shifting my mentality, but there were a few core choices that helped me get there.

First, I relocated to Florida from New Jersey for work where I built a beautiful church community that was incredibly special to me. I joined this community at a parish in Winter Park, Florida four years after my mom died and one year after my sister died. The group provided me with so much comfort while I was grieving these losses. I laugh thinking about how most of my friends from this church group were viejitas but that’s what I needed back then: older, wiser women to guide me.

From there, my connection to the church continued to expand. I visited the Vatican, Fatima, and Santiago de Compostela, where I felt deep spiritual and religious connections. I then went on to serve as a missioner in Cochabamba, Bolivia for two years and had the most transformative experience of my life. Experiencing ministry of presence, or the act of accompanying people during difficult times in their lives, changed me. Some of my closest friends during that time were women I met through prison ministry. Some still incarcerated, others rebuilding their lives after leaving prison. I know, that’s some wild stuff, but it’s true. They saw me. My heart. My soul. All of which still needed a lot of healing after the loss of my mom and sister. They were so welcoming and accepting. I became the missioner. I was supposed to be the one to be there for them, but they supported me in turn. 

In my adult life, I’ve traveled to over 25 countries including a yoga retreat in Bali, an intuitive painting retreat in Florence, and a hammam in Morocco. I started taking street art photos for fun in New York City and have since taken street art tours in Buenos Aires, Sao Paolo, Lisboa, and other cities around the world. I’ve been able to treat my family and friends to cool experiences because my means allowed for it and it has brought me so much joy. 

In 2023, I got laid off and decided to start my own company. I took the risk because I didn’t have anyone else depending on me to live and eat. Looking back I admit it was a scary time to take such a big financial risk on my own. I had spent so many years in corporate in customer-facing roles, earning a six-figure salary, and running Employee Resource Groups. In my mind, there was still so much I wanted to do and had to offer — but life had other plans. I didn’t realize it then, but many of the experiences leading up to this point in my career absolutely prepared me to start my own business. Although it was terrifying at times, I still felt brave, strong, and most of all, ready to bet on myself.

In September of 2025, I wrote my first solo book, Calladita No More, a love letter to Latinas and Women of Color, celebrating our strength, resilience, and brilliance. It’s the book I needed when I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s. It’s filled with truths I needed to hear back then and sometimes still need to be reminded of today. One of the chapters is titled “Nadie Is Coming to Save You”. A reminder that we must be the shero in the story of our own lives.

All this, and yet, my journey is far from over. I have more adventures left in me and new things I want to try. I just relocated to Madrid in the hopes of securing my EU citizenship in the next four years. If love finds me as I live my dream life, it is more than welcome to join me, but if it doesn’t I know after two divorces that I’ll be okay. I already tried following society’s expectations and I wasn’t happy. I already had that six-figure salary, worked at top companies and owned a house, and yet, I didn’t feel satisfied. When I have allowed myself to be free of these expectations and pressures is when I have felt most alive. Now, I live on my own terms, follow my own path, and feel the utmost joy, purpose, and freedom.

Not every bird follows the flock. Some fly solo, find their own rhythm, and thrive on their own terms. As for me, yo perreo sola. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

About the Author

Hady Méndez is the award-winning author of Calladita No More, a proud Puerto Rican, and a leadership coach currently based in Madrid. As the founder of Boldly Speaking LLC, she works with underestimated employees to build confidence, advocate for themselves, and step into leadership. A LinkedIn Top Coaching & Mentoring Voice, her work has been featured in Business Insider, #WeAllGrow Latina, and with organizations like Lean In Latinas and Ellevate Network.